


falling

by born_to_fly



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Canon-Typical Violence, Gen, M/M, but none of that in my stucky relationship analysis, references to major character deaths, stucky only if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:20:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24335755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/born_to_fly/pseuds/born_to_fly
Summary: Bucky hasn't stopped falling since that fateful day on the train.The ground is coming up fast.(or, that Talk the Russos told us that stucky had before Steve flipped off time itself to become a homewrecker)
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers
Comments: 4
Kudos: 29





	falling

**Author's Note:**

> hahahaha one year later and i'm still so bitter  
> disney rly hit us with that "no homo bro"
> 
> anyways, even though i myself am 100% a stucky shipper, i wanted to explore their relationship (platonic or romantic) and how Bucky reacts to Steve's decision because frankly, if my best friend left me in the future because he wanted to marry someone who lived a full and happy life without him, i'd be pissed

“Bucky, I think we should talk.” Six words coming from Bucky’s favorite person is all it takes for his world to come crashing down upon him. Bucky already knows what this is about. 

“Shoot, then.”

“I need to return the Stones, and when I do, I have a plan, but I need to run some things by you first.” Of course Steve has a plan. He’s been Captain America for so long that man-with-a-plan is practically tattooed into his skull. Bucky can’t help but hate him a little bit for it, the resentment twisting over his heart, slipping in between his ribs, winding across his lungs.

“Yeah, Stevie, get on with it, ya punk.” Even Bucky can hear how hollow his own voice sounds, and he shakes himself a little. This is for Steve, he reminds himself, everything he’s doing- everything he’s ever done- it’s all for Steve.  _ For that little punk in Brooklyn who wouldn’t back down from a fight _ .

“IwanttostaywithPeggy,” it comes out in a rush, a single exhaled puff of air, a weak, quiet little thing that shouldn’t even have been able to bend grass, except it’s blown Bucky over and started chiseling into the Winter Soldier’s ice-cold heart. 

“Oh, really?” Bucky doesn’t mean to sound so apathetic, but he’s known what Steve was going to “talk about” since they came out of that last battle with one more devastating loss, and honestly? He’s not feeling good enough about any of himself to keep Steve from finally getting what he wants. Bucky can feel the ice-cold numbness of emotional apathy settling in, extinguishing the pain, the anger, the crippling sadness. Truly, emotional repression is a comfort in the worst of times.

“Yeah, Buck, I just- It’s been a long time. I think I’m ready to settle down, live a life, put down the shield, all that therapy stuff that Sam keeps talking about,” Steve continues, seemingly oblivious to the fact that he had simultaneously flipped off both Bucky and the space-time continuum. 

There’s a silence, then, just long enough to be awkward, but Bucky barely notices. He’s too busy remembering when he told Steve that he wasn’t sure he was worth all this trouble. Back then, it had been a question, one that was answered swiftly by his best friend, who had proved with both words and actions that Bucky was worth it. Now, after all the punching and shooting and bloodshed, Bucky was being given a different, more realistic answer. 

Of course he wouldn’t be worth it to Steve. He was goddamn  _ Captain America _ . He had more friends than he could ever want. In the back of his mind, Bucky was aware that he was being unfair, but at the front of his mind, he was even more aware that Steve Rogers was being the biggest asshole in all existence, even when compared to the pretentious magic doctor man or the weird talking raccoon. 

“I guess this is the end of the line, then, Rogers.” Never mind that Bucky was lost in a new century, alone like Peggy Carter never had to be. He’s wallowing in his own self-pity inside, although he’s sure that on the outside, he looks like an emotionless, stone-cold badass.  _ Yeah, Barnes, that’s exactly what we’re going for. Nice job being a supportive friend. _

Bucky completely ignores Steve’s sharp intake of breath. He’s not bitter about this. He’s  _ not _ . But maybe, just maybe, if Bucky isn’t worth it to Steve, then Steve doesn’t have to be worth it to Bucky either.

“Bucky-”

“Can it, punk. It’s okay. Carter is a fine dame. You’re going to be just fine.” _But will I?_ Bucky shakes his head. Steve had been Captain America for barely a couple of months before Bucky slipped from his grip for the first time. The Winter Soldier had operated for years without Steve Rogers, but to Bucky, it feels like only yesterday that he watched, panicked, as his hand lost its anchor, as his best friend disappeared from above him, as he fell, and fell, and fell.

Seventy years later, he’s still falling.

The only difference is that this time, there will be no Winter Soldier to shield the soft, warm parts of Bucky Barnes against the pain and fear. There will be no Captain America to catch him before he hits the ground, no Steve Rogers to bring him home. This time, when he finally hits rock bottom, he will be alone.

Vaguely, Bucky watches himself give Steve a final blessing, a final reassurance, before Bucky’s only constant in this world slips out the door, constant no longer. Bucky knows that nothing has changed quite yet, that Steve is just down the hall, but he can’t help but feel that Steve’s already gone- has been since Steve first laid eyes on Peggy Carter.

Bucky passes through moments, through minutes, through hours in a daze. When the whispers in his head become particularly nasty, he finds himself reaching out for a blond-haired figure that isn’t there, that will never be there again. He barks a laugh, one that sounds bitter and  _ wrong _ , even to him, before sinking back into the comfortable haze. He’s falling, only the difference is he can see the ground approaching.

On the day of, Steve steps up to him, and he stares blankly back. There’s nothing left to say. Wordlessly, Steve pulls him into a hug, and Bucky can’t help but think  _ he used to be smaller _ . Bucky forces himself to nod, to curl the edges of his lips up in the pained approximation of a gentle smile, to step back. He watches his best friend step onto the platform as if from a great distance. There’s a flash as Captain America disappears, taking little Stevie Rogers with him. Bucky pointedly does not make eye contact with Sam, with Bruce. There’s nothing he can do but focus on the ground as it races up to break his fall, to break him.

Bruce counts down. Five seconds is interminably long and agonizingly short, if you know what you’re waiting for. Steve doesn’t come back. That's fine, Bucky tells himself. The ground is worryingly close. 

An old man appears on the park bench, unnoticed by Sam and Bruce, who have begun to panic. Bucky almost walks away, right then, but then Sam’s noticed the figure on the bench too, and Bucky forces himself to stay, to cede any claim he had on Captain America. He’d lost Steve Rogers years ago, he knows that, and Captain America was never his to begin with. Sam will do a fine job, and frankly, Bucky Barnes has gotten used to being a soldier. After all, there’s less pain, less responsibility, when you’re not the one giving orders.

It’s really the smallest things that break people. The familiarity of blue eyes, crinkled with age. The same plaid shirt, khaki pants. A voice, so close to his memories yet ever-so-slightly  _ off _ . The sunlight glinting off a gold ring on a finger. 

Bucky’s been falling for so long that anyone who would remember that he even needed to be caught is gone. There’s no one left to catch him anymore.

“Wanna tell me about her?”

“No, I don’t think I will.”

And Bucky finally hits the ground. 

**Author's Note:**

> y'all they rly did Steve's character so dirty. i'm still mad, and i'll stay mad.   
> also! tho i have been a longtime lurker in the stucky tag (think it's been like 8 years), this is my first published stucky fic :)  
> anyways kudos, comments, and constructive criticism are always appreciated


End file.
